john cm

2017-10-18 15:36:27 

Should I pay attention to how “I” feel every second, minute hour, 24/7; and by doing this: Does “feeling good” come/arise from constant awareness of one’s feelings? I feel something all the time, if but subtle. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, I’m a feeling being y’know. 

I guess what I was also wondering was, how this “affective awareness” (as Richard calls it) and if this is how it’s done – differs from practising the “witness” etc. 

Would the difference between practicing the “witness” and “HAIETMOBA” be: In the first case, “I” wrongly think myself to be something else/distant from how “I” feel. And in the second case, “I” don’t believe that I’m watching something “foreign/alien” but that I’m simply aware of how “I” feel; the “watcher” and the “feeler” are one and the same thing so to speak? (“I am my feelings and my feelings are me.”) 


2017-10-18 16:59:54 

Feeling good comes from seeing what is stopping one from feeling good – at each moment. And choosing to feel good at that moment (seeing that it is silly to feel bad). In that sense it is a “constant awareness of ones feelings”. When one is feeling good all that is necessary is to spot (attentiveness) as soon as possible any diminution in that feeling good and find out what has stopped that feeling good. 

I know little about the “witness” but your “second case” is accurate. 


2017-10-18 17:05:52 

RICHARD: It is important to comprehend that the aim, the goal, of actualism practice is the enjoyment and appreciation of being alive right now – at this very moment of being alive and not indefinitely postponed off into some indeterminate future – via the minimisation of both the malicious/ sorrowful feelings (the ‘bad’ feelings) and their antidotal loving/ compassionate feelings (the ‘good’ feelings) in concert with the maximisation of the felicitous/ innocuous feelings, and how that (affective) enjoyment and appreciation is the very actualist awareness in action (as distinct from the buddhistic mindfulness, for instance, which requires cognitive engagement). What this means in effect is that, because one cannot help but be aware, each moment again, of even the slightest diminution of that experiential awareness (of that very enjoyment and appreciation of feeling as felicitous/ innocuous as is humanly possible) via feeling it diminish, cognitive attentiveness can be freely applied to whatever one is engaged in doing, in one’s moment-to-moment daily life, be it earning a living, reading/ watching various media, studying for examinations, and so on, and so forth. 

i think the key here is that you compare the cognitive engagement of mindfulness (engaging, observing, paying attention, dettaching) and the actualist awareness (just feeling and morphing it into a h&h feeling) 

the witness observes “your” moment to moment affective life, while the actualist awareness is/plays in “your” very moment to moment affective life 


2017-10-18 20:12:16 

The witness is a form of detached watching – it’s putting a ‘witness’ as separate from ‘you’ which does the watching 


2017-10-18 21:47:02 

Essentially, you are training yourself to feel good each moment rather than be run by all of your emotions. Then, you continue to up the ante so to speak to happy and harmless, to feeling excellent, and to feeling perfect as habitual ways of being until you make the conscious decision to self-immolate and become actually free. Along the way, you notice what is preventing you from feeling good like certain beliefs or emotions and choose not to continue with it for the sake of feeling good. Actualism is an incremental development from being normal to becoming unconditionally happy and harmless. I should mention that even though the goal is to pay attention to each moment, it takes a tremendous effort to do so so one does the best one can improving along the way as one adds more happiness in their life. Also along the way, PCE’s occur to show you the meaning of life and to have something tangible to aim for in that you know where to go not because Richard “says so” on his website. Spirituality tends to condition us with an analytical mind in regards to “self”. While one does figure out what makes up reality in actualism, the goals are simple and down to earth such as feeling good and enjoying and appreciating this moment till they become habits. The actual world and reality are two separate modes of experience altogether. So while in reality, one seeks to clean oneself up in order to allow that other world to show up. 

john cm
2017-10-19 17:19:46
Where can I read about “how” to investigate my feelings?

2017-10-19 17:24:47
How to investigate your feelings is HERE

john cm

2017-10-19 17:41:46

I’m just not sure “how” it’s done since, I don’t seem to get to the bottom of things. I also lack the energy and focus to remain with an issue for any longer period of time. “there is no point, I’m not getting anywhere”.

I mean when I earlier tried to investigate a strong emotional response to something I wrote in this chat. I after a while got the answer “I’m disgusting”. But was that how I felt? Or was that just a reply in my mind that I wanted to hear? I couldn’t understand that at all, even if I felt really bad in the situation. I feel really confused and frustrated when I start thinking about myself. What is true and what is fiction about myself? It’s a Freudian hell trying to understand myself – it feels like I’m “speculating” when investigating; almost like dreaming up things about myself.

I can’t make any sense out of how I feel many times, and I can’t get myself to really create time to pounder upon an issue for a very long time before I run out of energy to do so and begin to feel really frustrated. At least now I’m trying for a few minutes here and there, but I feel resistant towards the process.

I remember Vineeto explaining the process of her own self-investigation somewhere but I can’t find it.


2017-10-19 17:47:35

Hey John, I’m familiar with that feeling of speculation… I think it is a kind of resistance, not wanting to find out what the real answer is (maybe being afraid of what the real answer is). I think it helps to build confidence in the process by approaching some more straightforward reasons… eg rather than something rooted deep in childhood, something that you can quickly identify the causes and effects and see the silliness. By noticing when you feel unhappy over and over throughout the day, you’ll find some that are simpler like this. 

Once you know you can do it with simpler patterns, you can have confidence that it works and work your way up to deeper / more complex ones.


2017-10-19 17:47:59

The “feel really confused and frustrated” and “”can’t make any sense” and “feel really frustrated” and “can’t get myself to really create time” are all cunning ploys I have used to stop myself feeling good. The way to stop that is to follow the ‘instructions’ on the webpage I linked to.


2017-10-19 17:48:06

The most important thing is to begin to see the pattern that ALL the reasons we have not to be happy are ultimately silly!


2017-10-19 17:53:45

what you describe is what I used to get caught up in… I could’ve been the one who wrote that! Lol!

That’s what I was saying about the “old way” of investigating…I would get lost.

Now, I get back to feeling good (not as hard as it sounds… Really)… Then investigate the situation. And, as Richard says (and henry pointed out), you don’t need to go too far back, usually only a few hours back.


2017-10-19 17:56:25

Yea john first thing that came to mind reading what you wrote was to get back to feeling good first. Then you can start to make sense of it


2017-10-19 17:56:47

I interestingly notice a reluctance to just not worry about whatever the feeling is about and just get back to feeling good. I want to hold on to the feeling


2017-10-19 18:03:55

What often happens for me is that when I’m feeling good, I basically say “I’m good” and don’t think or bother to look back into whatever it was that caused a dip.

john cm

2017-10-19 18:05:10

Thanks guys, but when I’m back to feeling good, I don’t want to think back on what happened lol. But that’s what I’m trying to do… and well… as I wrote: I don’t have much patience, energy, motivation to really stay with an issue for any longer period of time, and I never can seem to make any sense out of what happened – it seems like speculations. And I’m not really sure how “the silliness of the situation” comes in at all… lol. But what has been said so far has gotten me a lot more motivated to try again to see the silliness of how I felt. But before I see that I must understand “why” I felt how I felt right?


2017-10-19 18:11:46

it does seem daunting at first (it did for me). And I still find myself “wanting to stay with the feeling”.. it just takes practice (habituating to it). Once you see you are in control of your feelings (they are not in control of you). Then it becomes easier (imo).